Suze Says: 5 Things To Do With Your $$$

I heart Suze.

Car Shock

Got a good ass-reaming tonight from my mother. Have been waiting for it, since she has been bizarrely kind to me ever since I moved back a month ago. I knew it wouldn't last long.

It was inevitably over the car. You see, I have been borrowing her car when I need it, which due to the restaurant schedule means that there are 3 convenient time slots (sarcastic face) throughout the day when I can take the car:

- 11:30am-2pm, when I drop her off and pick her up at the restaurant
- 2pm-6pm, when she is chillin at home
- 6pm-10pm, when I again, drop her off and pick her up at the restaurant

This usually works out fine, but tonight, she told me I needed to pick her up at 9:40pm cause she had to distribute Xmas gifts to employees, which were all in the car.

No problem.

I went over to Solmaz's for her Xmas Eve party. Always good food and fun dancing. At 9:30pm, I was getting ready to leave when I hear my phone ringing. I picked up:

Kayoko: "I'll be there in 5 minutes."
Hideko: "WTF have you been doing??? HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!"

Uh-oh.

I look down to see that I had missed 6 calls from her in the last 30 minutes. Not good.

Turns out that the restaurant closed early and everyone was waiting around for their goddamn presents. Oops.

So anyway, now my mom is furious with me on Xmas eve, which she will continue to be for at least the next 24 hours. She has a right to be angry with me, but whatever, that's not even my biggest problem. What this does mean is that I'm not gonna be able to borrow the car any more, and how the fuck am I going to get around this godforesaken suburb without a CAR???

I admit, I have been avoiding buying a car. It's just such a COMMITMENT, and there's a part of me deep, deep, deep down that is just taking this move to Cali as a long extended vacation instead of a serious life change.

Also, not having a car is a great reason not to have to leave the house. I have been a total hermit since coming here, and I will say that I have been enjoying it quite a bit.

You can't do anything here without a car, which has been the biggest culture shock for me since leaving NYC. Car culture is just so indulgent. I despise that you need a car to do anything here: to get to the train station, to buy a loaf of bread, to get to the gym (oh, the irony). Yesterday, my friend wanted to drive from one side of the parking lot to the other- it makes no sense!!!

Essentially in California, without a car, you are an incomplete person.

Clearly it's time for me to get serious about buying a car- it will make living here more of a reality instead of a temporary stay. And of course, it will be one less thing for me and my mother to fight about.

Don't forget that here, I'm 28 going on 15.

House Cleaning for the New Year

It's that time of the year- the end. Looking back, how was your 2008? What are some accomplishments that you're proud of? Anything you would have done differently? Ask yourself- did you have the kind of year you were hoping for on January 1, 2008?

My 2008 was not great, despite the fact that I had an awesome New Years Eve on the top of an office building overlooking Times Square (above pic!!!). What followed would become a year of mucho doubt and BIG! LIFE! DECISIONS!, which for better or for worst led me back to my hometown of Cupertino, California. Under my parent's roof, no less! That thought never crossed my mind when I was partying in Times Square, that's for sure. But it goes to show that in life, there really is no plan.

To prep for the new year, let's do some house cleaning: purge your closets (get rid of anything you haven't worn in a year), balance your checkbook, and think of 5 very specific goals for 2009. When I mean specific, I mean that if your goal is to save up money to take off to Peru to climb Machu Picchu, decide how you will save for it. Have HR take out $100 per paycheck? Only go out for dinner once a week? Create a budget and be specific.

Have any emotional regrets in the past year? If the answer is yes, now is the time to do some mental house cleaning. Whether it's with an ex, someone you were dating, your boss, a friend that you had a falling out with, or your irritating parents- make nice, be the bigger person and call or email them. It will make you feel better (or maybe worse, but at least you tried), and you can ring in the new year on a totally clean mental slate.

We're not getting younger. Speak up now- no regrets. There's nothing to lose. 2008 is going to be a thing of the past in just one week!

On the one hand, our economy is in the shithole, but on the other, Obama will be president starting January 20!!!!! 2009 is going to be a year of big changes amidst all the growing pains- there's definitely something in the air. I know I'm not alone here, many of my friends are definitely antsy for some major change in our own lives. Let's take advantage and do something totally crazy. Why not? I think it's a year of taking chances and pushing limits.

For me, I'm all about breaking patterns this year. Todo es possible.

I'm Coming Out

I checked off a box tonight that I have been avoiding forever: the "Relationship Status" box on Facebook. For whatever reason, I just never touched it- it just always seemed so cliche to me. Or maybe it's something I've been scared of admitting, who knows. I'll leave that up to my imaginary therapist to decide.

But Vanessa suggested that perhaps it's time to reveal to the world- which is to say the FB World- that I'm single, and (I deplore saying it, but...) ready to mingle. OMG is that not the most atrocious phrase ever?!?!

But wait- in FBLand, are you "Single," or "It's complicated?" The latter could be a downward spiral of any number of permutations in the matrix of singledom. Are you:

- Exploratory? (Single, but sleeping with multiple people).

- Vulnerable? (I broke-up with my bf/gf 2 months ago and still coping).

- In the Ex-Files? (I broke up with my bf/gf 2 months ago but we are still sleeping together).

- Confused? (I've been sleeping with someone for 6 months but (s)he won't take me out in public).

- LOST? (I've been in a relationship for 6 years, but I'm sleeping with my personal trainer). Heard that on the radio for real the other morning- drama!!!

The list goes on and on- if you think about it, the "It's complicated" box is kinda absurd. Nothing is NOT complicated in matters of love and dating, it seems, EVER. There should be no other options, whether you're married, in a relationship, single, or in an open relationship (how is that NOT complicated?).

It's all motherfucking complicated. Deal with it.

All I can say for myself, right now, at this moment, is that I am single. Is it complicated? Sometimes.

Interesting trend I just noticed: looking through my friends' profiles on Facebook, those who are single tend not list anything. However, most of my friends who are in relationships or married, are listed as so. Very few "It's complicated"s.

That's it- I'm OUT!



Sigh, that makes me miss NYC! I need to add that body suit into my closet of Makeout Man Jose clothes.

Carte Blanche Life

While I was out the other night in SF, this dude asked me, yelling over the music, "Why would you leave NY?" I get this a lot- people look at me really quizzically, like I've got shit all up in my teeth, when I tell them that I quit my great job, left my awesome Brooklyn studio, abandoned all my friends, to come back to Man Jose- without a job, into my parent's house.

Although the thought of moving back always loomed in the back of my mind, I still can't believe I actually did it- and for no plausible reason, at that. It took me a good 2 depressing years to get used to the big city- I made awesome friends; I got used to the freezing winters; I had a doctor, a gyno, and an acupuncturist; I knew which trains to take to get myself from the Bronx to the Lower East Side (D to the F); I figured out where to get the best pizza and soup dumplings and cupcakes. What more do you need?

But I guess it turns out that I need more. I was bored in my really fun, yet such-a-dead-end-low-paying job. Exhausted by all the parties and the shows and the going-outs that I couldn't even afford, but agreed to go anyway. NY has a way of making you feel like you're at the center of the world- but at the end it was only masking the fact that I was broke, and pretty misdirected.

Was this an easy decision? Hell no. Leaving NY meant I was leaving all my friends, my comfort zone. I had friends in the industry, people who I could call if I lost my job, who could help me get another. For the first time in my life, I even had a booty call.

So WHY did I decide to come back here? Because I could. I have no kids. No significant partner. No mortgage. I guess I felt that this was perhaps the last crazy thing I could do, the last leap of faith I could take, in order to possibly make my life better. Honestly, I don't even know what that means, to make my life better, and I certainly have no idea HOW I'm gonna do it. But I knew that my life was not really going anywhere in NY. When you realize something like that, you've gotta figure out how to change things, asap.

So why not move home??? There's a huge stigma against moving back to your hometown- I avoided it for 10 years out of the mere pleasure of telling people I lived far, far away. In the end, I think I moved back simply because it was exactly what I feared MOST. I figured I had nothing to lose, and I certainly am up for the challenge.

And in this economy- it's possibly the best decision I've ever made in my life. EVER. It's a carte blanche life, which is scary- I have no career network, and I certainly have no booty call. But it's a chance to totally reinvent myself, which is, at 28, so exciting.

Man Jose: Anywhere, USA

This picture was taken in which American city?
a) NYC
b) Vegas
c) Man Jose
d) Miami
e) All of the above


I went out the other night for the first time since moving back to the Bay Area. Solmaz dragged me to Santana Row in Man Jose, which is sort of a glorified strip mall filled with 5th Avenue-esque shops, restaurants and bars. We ended up at Sino, a Chinese "fusion" place, above. I suppose it's a good a place as any for my introductory course on the men of Man Jose.

I've been vehemently against going out in Santana Row- Solmaz thinks it's because I'm being pretentious, but it's just really meatmarket-ish and not my scene at all- there were lots of big boobs and guys with stiff hair. Funny thing: the second the guys walked in, they sized up every girl, one by one- especially the dudes with the wedding rings!!! What's up with that?

I had a tough time leaving NY for so long, simply out of fear that the Bay Area's fun factor wouldn't live up. There's such a premium on living in NY, but while I was out in Santana Row, I realized that we could have been anywhere in the US. The place reminded me of clubs I've been to in Vegas and NYC. The people could have been from Jersey- the guys in the button up shirt (3 buttons undone), frayed jeans and black shiny shoes; the girls in the brightly colored polyester tops, push-up bras and tight expensive jeans. Makeout Vegas clothes.

On Saturday night, I went out in San Francisco for my friend's bday. We went to this huge Stevie Wonder dance party- packed with hip, good looking people, all with the requisite cool haircut, the vest, the skinny jeans, the tattoos, the golf caps with the perfectly rounded bills. We could have just been on Ludlow in the Lower East Side, or Williamsburg, any night of the week.

So I ask you: could Man Jose be the next NYC?? Uhhh...

Is this a very generalized, shallow assessment? Maybe. But really, I'm not sure if location matters so much any more, especially in this internet age. Solmaz disagrees with me, but I'm starting to think that people are people everywhere- at least they all look the same.

And the clubs and bars where you go out, well, they're all the same too. I mean, how many times have you been in a bar that looks exactly like the picture above? It's just all so standardized now. I thought about this in Tokyo too- it's getting harder to find an authentic, unique experience anywhere in the world.

And what does this all mean for me, in terms of dating? It's too soon to tell, but I think it's time to invest in some Makeout Man Jose clothes, if you will.

The Ex Files

Alright, say it, I've been boring. I didn't write during my trip, and have written mediocre, filler entries since I've been back.

I need to stop being such a bore-a-thon. I mean, WHO CARES about pseudo-philosophical, overly sentimental musings about my digital self. We need to start talking about all the BOYS to date in Man Jose.

Um, I think I need to get dressed and get out of the house first. This morning, I went running at 8:30, came back at 9:15, and... I haven't left the house since.

I've been totally avoiding the outside world, this is true. Instead, I spend my days on the evil internet (death to Facebook), and my nights are in front of my parent's huge tv. I've watched:

- Scoop, by Woody Allen (funny!)
- Funny Girl, with Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire (I want to dance with Astaire!!!)
- Marie Antoinette, by Sophia Coppola (eh, eye candy)
- Ugly Betty, season 2 (excellent!!!)
- Mad Men, season 1 (feeling it out)
- 2 Days in Paris by Julie Delpy (believable, totally not cheesy- reminiscent of my last relationship)

Speaking of my last relationship, my exbf has been contacting me lately. Whenever he does this, I wonder what's really going on. Communication was never our strong point, but I'm guessing his love life isn't so hot right now. We all do that, don't we? Reach out to our exes when all current matters of the heart turn sour?

My good friend is sleeping with her exbf at the moment. The dude she dated 10 years ago! In high school!!!! And you know what? Good for her. It's not the ideal situation, but fuck it (get it? get it?), we do it cause it's comfortable. We do it cause DATING BLOWS.

Watch 2 Days in Paris. It will remind you that relationships can suck, but sometimes you should just stick with it cause the ex situation is no less complicated than being in the relationship (did that just make sense??).

Moral of the story: you're probably gonna end up screwing your ex again down the line at some point, so just save yourself the trauma of the breakup. Remember, the Ex Files never end. NEVER!!!

Horoscopes by Holiday

Here is my horoscope for today. Poignant.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You may be tired of making goals. You'll gain insight from taking a break from that whole process. Be like the earth — it keeps turning around, and there's no destination point. The moment is all that matters.

Wait, in this situation, am I Earth, or am I "no destination point"??? I wonder if Nina always lived in the moment. I think so.

Anything is Possible

The thing about unemployment is that there's a lot of time to think. And think. And think.

Right now, I'm thinking about connection. Physical. Chemical. Digital.

Can we still connect with our physical/ personal/ private selves, while being so overly connected with our screenselves?

Kayoko vs. Kayoko's profile vs. Kayoko the blogger.

I had sort of a breakdown in Japan, which was probably festering in me for a while in NYC- issues of over-information; image overload; mass consumerism.

These are things I have been thinking about, in my room, in this huge house, in Cupertino, and I have been unable to leave the house for longer than a few hours at a time. It's scary out there. But perhaps even more scary in here.

So much to do, yet nothing to do at all, actually. People getting things done, out there, across the street, across the way, across the world.

How does one person make an impact?

I'm preparing myself for something. Don't know what it is yet, but it might be pretty big. Who knows- anything is possible. But I've gotta get out of this house first.

Homecoming

Wow, did I totally let an entire month go by without writing? Shame on me!!! I thought about writing here- but nothing came to me. I spent most of November in Japan, and you know what? I wasn't funny in Japan. Not for an instant.

If I learned something about myself, it's that I need to be funny to write. A solid sense of humor is imperative to my writing, or just to my being in general. Japan zapped it from me. It was the hoards of people moving toward me, the obedient lines formed at the cash registers, the dominant voice recording of a probably pretty girl, in the otherwise silent trains.

In a country void of trash cans, I ask: How are you so clean?

It's all a haze to me, these past two months. New York, Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, back to NYC, and now here, in Cupertino, CA. FOREVER. Between the mountains, there's a blue sky and a blinding sun. I have not stayed here for longer than 10 days in over 10 years. Many things have changed, I have changed. Just a little.

But here, I can be funny. I promise.


A major chain bookstore in Japan. Yes, that says Hard-Off.

DOUBT

Am I making the biggest mistake EVER, by leaving NYC?

I had a nagging feeling all day today that I am.

The carte blanche life that seemed so exciting is suddenly the worst idea. Woody Allen said in a recent interview, "Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate."

Got it. I'm fucked.

And on top of that, I'll have to unpack all these goddamn boxes that has taken me days to pack. I spent $500 today on Round I of boxes!!! I haven't even started on Round II, and I'm supposed to move out tomorrow. Someone please shoot me.

No wait, stop. I don't have insurance.

Date Local: Save the Planet, Have More Sex

Kiwa sent me this incredibly funny and insightful article in Slate the other day about the importance of dating locally. This was a kick in the pants for both of us, as she has been (is in/was in) dating a guy based in England for THREE YEARS.

I myself am a chronic long-distance dater. My last serious relationship started off that way, and the last couple of guys I've had major crushes on were also out-of-towners. My friend Jamie said to me once, "Why don't you look for dudes in your own back yard?" Ouch.

This is truly a disease. My friend Christi, who is now married, says it's because we're all in "vacation mode" when we meet someone from out of town- somehow it's easier to open up when we know we don't have to deal with them on a regular basis.

Isn't that HORRIBLE???

But it's true. I like my cake and eating it too- although infrequent sex really isn't getting my cake, is it...? No seriously, I think people are attracted to the long-distance relationship cause of the lack of any real commitment. Not just in the "forever" sense, but even in the day to day "what are we doing for dinner tonight" sense.

Ultimately, it's this that makes it so difficult to date people seriously in NYC. It may sound like an excuse, but this city really is filled with people who just don't have the time to commit to a regulated regimen. It's a town of lonely transients trying to "make it," and love often gets put on the backburner (hence, the loneliness).

All this to say that I hope to start dating locally in Man Jose- I need to break my long-distance patterns and practice locasexualism. Although I doubt I'll be having any sex as long as I live with the parents, I can at least help save the environment. Solmaz (who is also moving home) and I have a running joke that we gotta get all makeout sessions out of our system now- forget about bringing boys home- that's just too weird. Although let's be real: it's not like my Brooklyn studio has been some sort of hot nonstop make-out zone.

Watch, the day before I leave NYC, I'm gonna meet my dreamboat here and I'll be back to square one. It always happens that way- although I just totally jinxed it so forget it!

Radhika just sent me this. We're kind of obsessed.

Sullivan and Bleecker

I moved to NYC in September 2002 with just one suitcase. I didn't have a job, I didn't have any friends or family, and I didn't have an apartment. I didn't even have a cell phone!!! Foolish or fearless? A little bit of both, I suppose.

The other night, I walked past the very first apartment I stayed in when I got here on Sullivan and Bleecker. Erin's cousin Vanessa and her now husband Joe. It was a tiny apartment, but they let me stay on their couch, despite the fact that I had never met them. Now that's true kindness.

I remember eating cup o' noodles for dinner every night, scouring Craigslist and Village Voice for an apartment, and aimlessly wandering the city, going to strange neighborhoods like the "Lower East Side" (scary!) and "Williamsburg" (the suburbs!). By 8pm I would be exhausted from all the walking- what a concept, walking!

It's funny- I had never questioned my decision to move to NY even though it was a bit nutty. I just did it. And now, as I am getting ready to move back to California, I'm filled with that same sort of boundless curiosity of the unknown.

Let's see how long this lasts. Solmaz bets I'll last 2 weeks at the Akabori household. I'm gonna really try to stretch it for as long as humanly possible. FREE RENT!!!

Packing Sucks

I hate packing. If there is a hell, this is it for me- a land of boxes- deconstructed boxes, empty boxes, all waiting to be taped together and filled with dumb worthless crap. I mean, do I really need issues of the New Yorker circa 2003??? REALLY? Well, they've made the cut. Someone come save me.

Plus, I have this nagging feeling that this is all totally pointless: what if I just end up coming back after 6 months? I was talking to Solmaz the other day (my crazy bff back from jr. high who lives in NYC but is also moving home next month) and we contemplated sharing storage here together as a "back-up plan."

In the end, we decided against it, as I think we really need to make a concerted effort to start a new life in the Bay Area. Note my shameless optimism here- BARF.

But god, the thought of packing all of this shit up, loading it all into a car, driving to FedEx and getting it all shipped off for hundreds of dollars- well, quite frankly NOT GOING ANYWHERE sounds like the best idea right about now.

Note to self: you gotta be out of here by Friday so STOP BLOGGING.

Moving In With The Hardass

Just got off the phone with Hideko (my mother) who made several snarky remarks about me being jobless, within a span of 15 minutes. Here are some key quotes:

- "Must be nice to have nothing to do."
- "Must be nice for your friends who have lucrative jobs in this failing economy."
- "Gotta run, I have a busy day of work ahead of me." (It's Sunday, so that's a lie).

Let's get one thing straight: my parents really are not excited about me moving in with them (whenever I say "my parents," I really just mean Hideko, as Kunio's opinion has little leverage in that Akabori household). Maybe somewhere deep, deep down, they are looking forward to having me around (to fix the internet and take out the garbage on Sunday nights), but it's pretty clear that they are going to make my life hell under their roof.

When I tell people I'm moving home, their immediate reaction is, "Oh, your parents must be so happy." No way. Hideko is a hardass in the shape of a badass- and her eccentricities have only heightened with age and menopause (the devil). My parents never got along until my brother and I moved out (which is to say they should have never had children), and to have me back is only going to throw their solitary routine off balance.

Hideko is not down with this.

It's hilarious- all of my friends who have been to the restaurant lately go back to talk to Hideko and then confirm with me that yes, I'm right, she's not excited I'm coming home, and she even rolled her eyes when they mentioned it. I told you she should have never had children- she has no one to blame but herself.

Don't get me wrong, my parents are both totally awesome, and have always supported me and my off-kilter ways. But, as I'm sure you are all aware, awesome people don't always make the best housemates.

Feeling Old in the East Village

Went to the Beauty Bar in the East Village the other night and felt old. Really old. I hadn't been there for years, and really, I should have known to stay out when I saw the big bouncer checking for IDs. The EV is totally overrun by NYU kids, and Beauty Bar is no different.

Some guy who had one of those hair patches under his chin, no older than 22, started talking to us by asking us what we were talking about. I told him we were talking about douchebags- no joke, me and Ryo just happened to be having a conversation about douchebags at that very moment. I didn't want to lie about it.

It made me feel old, my cynicism and apparent unwillingness to chat with this guy- but I just don't have the patience for it anymore. The group next to us all had tattoos up to their wrists and wore white T-shirts under plaid button-up shirts. All buttons unbuttoned.

That made me feel old too.

My bff Sara used to live on 7th between A and B. We used to hang out in the EV and go out dancing all the time, Beauty Bar included, until she moved to LA 3 years ago. I stopped going there so much after she left, and in these years whenever I go back, I feel out of place and overwhelmed by nostalgia of what it used to be.

Whenever I complain to Sara about it though, she wisely says, "It's not the EV, Kayoko; it's you."



This post was inspired by Sara's recent Facebook status update, stating that she felt old at the Beauty Bar in LA.

Office Life

At work now. Technically, my last day was last Saturday, but I'm here to clean my cubicle, inside and out. To be honest, I just came in so I could feel useful. I've been working in the Film Program here for 2 years and it's really been the sole reason of why I've stayed in NY for as long as I have. It's been an awesome job, working alongside incredibly talented people.

I got my last Japan Society paycheck last Friday. I truly do want it to be my very last office job paycheck for... wait for it... EVER. I'm not sure what's in store for me in California, and I'm aware that anything is possible, but I really never want to work an office job ever again. I'm ready for something completely new.

But the office job has its merits, don't get me wrong. I almost barfed the other day, when I was signing off on my health insurance termination papers and the HR lady told me that I could continue coverage for $550 a month. WTF!!!! That's so obscene, just plain wrong.

Plus, the office supply closet. Between me and you, I've taken enough Sharpies to last me a lifetime. That's something I will truly miss.

Everyone is asking me, "When is your last day?" Um, last Saturday. "Well, best of luck to you if I don't see you!" Well, I'll probably be back on Monday cause there's no way I'm gonna finish everything up today, so I'll see you around.

It's embarrassing. I feel like I'm constantly saying goodbye to people, then throwing them off by showing up a couple of days later. But I can't say goodbye for good. Not yet.

Yamahomo just walked by and saw me blogging and he sneered. He knows that I'm never gonna leave my little cubicle. I mean, does it look like I'm going anywhere to you???

Burt Bacharach is the MAN in Man Jose

I hope everyone got the blog title reference. The song was written by Bacharach back in the 60s and Dionne Warwick went all the way with it in '68. This song is so my life right now, it's spooky. Here she is:



The term Man Jose is even in the Urban Dictionary.

Introduction

Wow, here I am, my first post- welcome!!! I'm supposed to be packing, but would rather jot a few things down while I have the chance.

First things first- my name is Kayoko, I'm 28, and I'm about to move back in with my parents in Cupertino, CA. I've lived in NYC for the last 6 years- years spent partying, making rent and growing up. And while a blog about my life in NYC would have been more interesting, perhaps, than me moving back in with my parents, well, I predict that this will be far more hilarious. It's gonna be a riot, I promise. So join me.

I leave NY in just 10 days. I fly to Tokyo where I'll travel around for 3 weeks and visit family, come back to NY for a night, then take a one-way flight to SFO on Thanksgiving Day. I chose this day specifically because I love Tday. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Nevertheless, hitting that purchase button for that one-way ticket to Cali was a really surreal moment. Can't turn back now.

Until I leave next Sunday, I'm sure I'll be reminiscing and rhapsodizing here about a few classic Kayoko NYC moments. It's been a pretty wild ride, definitely. I mean, I've led a pretty modest life here, as far as NYC obsceness goes, but I imagine that things will drastically mellow out for me in Cupertino. But that's really what I want- I may just be idealizing California, but I just want a quiet, peaceful life. I don't really want a booming social life like I've had here- I want to be in bed by 10pm, and live a healthy, balanced life filled with sleep and nutrition. And books. Is that too much to ask?

The last 6 years has certainly been the opposite- but more on that later. For now, here's a pic of my quaint studio in Crown Heights, Brooklyn back in January.


Here it is at this very moment.


It's the perfect dance floor.