Kiwa sent me this incredibly funny and insightful article in Slate the other day about the importance of dating locally. This was a kick in the pants for both of us, as she has been (is in/was in) dating a guy based in England for THREE YEARS.
I myself am a chronic long-distance dater. My last serious relationship started off that way, and the last couple of guys I've had major crushes on were also out-of-towners. My friend Jamie said to me once, "Why don't you look for dudes in your own back yard?" Ouch.
This is truly a disease. My friend Christi, who is now married, says it's because we're all in "vacation mode" when we meet someone from out of town- somehow it's easier to open up when we know we don't have to deal with them on a regular basis.
Isn't that HORRIBLE???
But it's true. I like my cake and eating it too- although infrequent sex really isn't getting my cake, is it...? No seriously, I think people are attracted to the long-distance relationship cause of the lack of any real commitment. Not just in the "forever" sense, but even in the day to day "what are we doing for dinner tonight" sense.
Ultimately, it's this that makes it so difficult to date people seriously in NYC. It may sound like an excuse, but this city really is filled with people who just don't have the time to commit to a regulated regimen. It's a town of lonely transients trying to "make it," and love often gets put on the backburner (hence, the loneliness).
All this to say that I hope to start dating locally in Man Jose- I need to break my long-distance patterns and practice locasexualism. Although I doubt I'll be having any sex as long as I live with the parents, I can at least help save the environment. Solmaz (who is also moving home) and I have a running joke that we gotta get all makeout sessions out of our system now- forget about bringing boys home- that's just too weird. Although let's be real: it's not like my Brooklyn studio has been some sort of hot nonstop make-out zone.
Watch, the day before I leave NYC, I'm gonna meet my dreamboat here and I'll be back to square one. It always happens that way- although I just totally jinxed it so forget it!
Radhika just sent me this. We're kind of obsessed.
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What's up with the falcon in the vid? What is that supposed to symbolize? On another note, did you read that NYT article on polyamory a few weeks ago? http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/fashion/05polyamory.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=polyamory&st=cse&oref=slogin
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why it's in the "Fashion & Style Section" but it's about a way of multiple partnering -- sexually and emotionally. This just sounds like a way for people to prolong that initial "falling in love" stage, and a build in a system to not get bored with each other. Like people tend to fall in love more easily when there's an impossible obstacle in the way.